Revelations of the day...

I have discovered that I am wholly sick of living in the midst of a trainwreck and that I'd like my legacy for my children to be something other than that of their mom forever heartsick.

We have vast spaces of grace and snuggles and stories and, you know, quotidian type stuff. It's almost all good. Really good. Today we covered more of WWII during our travels to appointments. They now know a little about the politics of nuclear war, both on the Japanese and Nazi fronts. (K wanted to know if I had been alive in "the big world war" because how else could someone know so much about it? Funny girl. It was the perfect opportunity for me to launch into my lecture on the benefits of reading. See me rubbing my hands together in glee?) We discussed Hitler and my favorite quote: "Evil persists when good men do nothing." And G and E went on to ask questions and have commentary--at ten and eight. It is deeply and supremely rewarding. So maybe they don't quite sense the trainwreck/heartsick feeling?

Hmmm. Perhaps I'm having more success than I thought.

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I'm waiting to hear back from the children's therapy place about when they can get Q in. There's a waiting list of about two weeks, so perhaps around the 19th?

In the meantime, I'm looking into how to get G evaluated for ADHD, inattention only. I've read about this for years and just suspected that something was leading us in this direction. I even inquired about an IEP in the last couple of years. I ache for him, watching how his brain flits about, struggling to settle on the task at hand when it's owner demands it. He got that part from me. It makes me buggy in my brain and I suspect it's making him buggy in his brain too. He's such a bright little penny, loves to read, especially science, but has to be led through math. It's not that he doesn't get it, he just can't focus without help. Shutting out stimulus is a problem. He's often scattered in his work unless he's walking through it with someone.

Both of us are articulate enough to look smart and like we must just not be "trying" very hard when it comes to grades, schedules and general order. Au contraire. I've managed to figure out how to filter some things much better in my adult years, as most of us do in order to get along and make our way in society. My grades in high school and college were abysmal, but I flew through over 800 hours of massage school, even anatomy. The kids have been clean, fed, clothed, taught, nursed in sickness, played with in health, and mostly on time (through six moves) for the last 10 plus years, so I've clearly managed to figure out something about scheduling. ;o)

I would so love for my oldest to not have to reinvent this wheel. Surely we can shorten the learning curve here a bit? I'm working on it, anyway.

And goodnight. Tomorrow's travels last about nine hours. It will be fun, it will be fun, it will be... :o)

Peace and blessings to you. Hugs for the kiddos.