Saturday, November 27, 2010

All about

This week brought snow, record low temperatures, a power outage, and odd miscommunications between an otherwise very reliable doctor's office and the pharmacy (which bent rather far backward in resolving the issue).  The house stayed pretty warm the night the power was out - aided no doubt by the addition of four extra people, happily marooned here by slippery hills.  The wind chill that night was around zero, but it only got down to 60 inside before the heat came back on.  The following night was colder - I woke around five thinking that my face was startlingly cold and listening for Q to complain about the same, but buried myself immediately in the soft and warm blankies and passed right out again.

It has been a fun week, despite some unusual frustrations.  It's been a fun year, really.  New responsibilities for me at church morphed into a unique service opportunity which seems to be showing lasting effects.  Creative projects popped up all over.  We're all learning, growing, doing - and efforts made have given evident results.  It's all good.

Many of you know some part of this family's story over the last five years.  Heck, some of you have known the whole story, from before there was this family.  The last five years have been something rather indescribable.  Certainly nothing like I'd expected.  And yeah, if I had a do-over, there are major things I'd change.  But life is very good, despite the undeniable holes (they're how the light gets in, after all), and for this we are profoundly grateful.

Things are shifting a little here.  Q continues to grow, which means escalating physical needs.  He's also about to have another round of appointments with specialists, new ones this time.  Other family members are experiencing upticks in accomplishments and output.  The combination of these factors means that we could use a different look at how life proceeds at our house.

So first, a short, annotated wish list (it always helps to make a list and throw it out there - one never does know what will come of it), then one of gratitude. 

Things Which Would Make Life Easier in Some Way:

  • Perhaps the most useful "thing" would be a sort of housekeeper type person.  I'm coming to realize the sheer number of hours I must spend functioning as some level or type of specialist in order for the individuals in this family to succeed:  massage therapist, personal care provider, nursing, administrative tasks, organizer, supervisor, chef, chauffeur, buyer, bookkeeper, events planner and coordinator, accompanist to music practices, teacher, tutor, official snuggler, and on and on.  At some point I run out of hours and collapse.  If there were someone who could take a little bit of the plant services/housekeeping portion of my job description?  Oh, wow.  Just thinking about it makes me all misty-eyed.  This item is something I'm musing on, more than listing, really.  The kids are big helps, but they have their own stuff to do too, like learn, play, and be children. 
  • IT specialist, also not a "thing."  At this time I don't have what it takes to add this to my list in the Job Description.  We have stuff going on here which needs attention from someone who knows his/her stuff, and that person won't be me in the foreseeable future.
Lovely and loving people.
Running.  (And sweating.  There, I said it.)

Snow and the melting thereof.
A warm place to keep the brood when it's horribly cold outside.
Money.  Enough to manage the important things.
A nice bag of Brussels sprouts.  Which K is going to roast for me.
Paperwork, because it means that there are solutions to otherwise thorny problems.
Resources and a brain which links them up.

Dissection kits.
Carmex and lotion for early winter weather.
Hugs from punkins.
A fun time at the movies with friends.

And now, to bed.  Hope your wish lists and gratitude lists collide in spectacular ways.


Saturday, November 20, 2010


One: that we live in a country which supports the often uncomfortable airing of one's opinions. The kids and grandparents and some in-laws and various extended family members traveled to the state capitol one evening this week and were present on behalf of Q and those who couldn't be there because their families are spread so thin already in their care. We were there to protest proposed cuts to adults with special needs medical coverage. We need to figure this out and quick. The persons most affected are the most vulnerable among us and if it means living with some potholes, so be it. If it means digging into our pockets to subsidize our neighbors' life-saving meds, so be it.

Two: Neil Young styled parodies. Love it. :o)

Three: good pharmaceuticals. I am so grateful for effective meds. So grateful.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


It's been a big week in neuropsych land:  visits and meds and blood work.  Poor little Q got stuck twice and now has a bruise on at least one of his arms from the phlebotomist chasing the wee rolling veins around.  Q took it well at the time (he usually does), but was feeling fragile by the evening.  Meanwhile, I'd like points for not crying, throwing up, or passing out while holding his arms still.  I watched the needle the whole time, praying over it a little, willing the guy to just get it, already.  Sometimes the curse words should be bigger.

We seem to be in the middle of the yearly misunderstanding re: healthcare coverage and processing of paperwork for the kids, so I laid an unholy amount of money out for prescriptions, with fingers crossed that at least part of it will be covered.  Feeling rather nauseous about that, now that Q's blood draws are done.

Three Good Things, and then to bed.

First, that we have really, truly, incredibly good doctors.  Funny, smart, and they get it.  Awesome.

Second, that I have made the week run on very little sleep.  I may be on the verge of maxing out my lifetime caffeine allotment, but at the moment I'm just seriously grateful that we managed ALL THE THINGS (with some well-timed help, thank you so very much, you angels know who you are) and we're all in one piece, we're all friends, still on the same side even, and everyone seems to be really doing very well.  I worry about that part, you know.  So I'm glad for the lovingkindness I see in my punkins, especially when it's spontaneous and between the siblings and when I'm this wiped out.  Does a tired mama's heart good.

Third, I'm going to bed now.  The rest of the perpetual Q laundry will hit the washer in the daylight hours, somewhere between church activities (which would be the fourth good thing, were I not almost asleep right now) and bedtime next.  And there will be bleach and soaking and (TMI alert!) various bodily fluids will be washed away and all will be fresh and pleasant once again, and I don't even care about any of that right now because I'm going to my bed and shall try not to pass out in the middle of a face plant into the pillow.


Saturday, November 06, 2010


Sliding into home again.  The week is done, but for the push through church and all that entails.  I'm glad this week is over - too many enormous things piled up too easily upon my head.  One shouldn't have a week which involves an urgent trip to the IRS office.  Even if the reason is ultimately good and even beneficial, which I think it was.  Still, no.  "Urgent" and "IRS" plus foiled expectations do not make for a week of bon-bons and pedicures.


Three Good Things, then, with which to spin my brain and heart around.

The weather has been shockingly warm and lovely.  It hasn't felt like November, though it's dripping a bit out there now.  We've been running in the midst of twirling leaves, settling themselves down to the ground.  Their colors are saturated burgundies and bronzes, lush greens, toasty browns, and then splashes of juicy yellows.  The sky has ranged lately from turquoise to lapis and then dipped into all those lovely shades of cornflower.  I've wanted to bite it.  Because it looks luscious.

Warmth.  Friends, family, fleece pullovers, sweaters, hot drinks, hats, inspiring reading, shared moments, a post-run shower.  All so nice.  It's good to have the autumn nip in the air as the sun sinks for the day.  And good too, to have the option to be warm in all the important ways.

Progress.  I love it so.  I'm thinking tonight of friends who have struggled over the last several weeks, in their relationships, inside their heads, in their life's work.  Each of them has pushed with everything they've got for the too elusive progress, and they may not yet know it, but their efforts have already paid off.  Their clients are happier, their spouses and children more settled of soul and grateful to be so, and their interior lives already feel calmer and more kindly disposed.  They've each engaged in a Herculean effort, one which often feels all too Sisyphean in nature, an undertaking that has required more of them than they thought they had, and?  The results are trickling in.  There's been a slight but elemental shift.  Their work has been rewarded and will continue to be so as it builds on itself exponentially.  And I am awestruck, watching these things unfold.  To desire change, to commit to being that change, and then to do it...  It is a stunning thing to behold.

Thank you for being here and for reading. 

May you too experience a shift, may it be whatever you truly need - even more than what you want, and may you know a bottomless renewal in that shift.  Take a new grip with your tired hands, baby, and strengthen those knees.  Mark out a straight path for your feet so that those who follow behind, though they be weak and lame, will not falter but become strong.   (Hebrews 12: 12, 13)