Wednesday, April 12, 2006


So Q had a fever today. I took him in, concerned because he's been coughing now for two and a half weeks and having more nebulizer treatments since Sunday, and he ended up having a chest x-ray. The pediatrician says bronchiolitis/pneumonia, and he's on antibiotics.

And then there's the rest of the story: As the doc is looking at his face, she kind of jumps back, startled. She looks more closely, asks if I've noticed that he's moving his eyes independently. I tell her not much, no, but the sibs have. They think it's funny that he can move his eyes in "different directions." She says, "Oh dear. No, it's not."

The term is "esotropia." It would appear that Q's is the congenital type, as he's manifested it so early in life, which almost always requires surgery to correct. There may also be eye patching, therapy, glasses.

(Insert Yiddish curses here.)

I have a list of excellent pediatric ophthalmologists in the area. I'll be contacting some tomorrow to get at least one appointment set up for as soon as Q can be expected to begin feeling better.

Of course, the earlier one catches this sort of thing, the better the outcome, but geez Louise already. Could we do something else for awhile? The doc and nurse and I today decided we could name a wing of the office after our family since we seem to be in at least once a week lately. The nice doctor even apologized for having to send us off to another specialist.

(More Yiddish cursing. Kicking of inanimate objects. Cursing. Kicking. Screaming. Etc.)

I'm going to try to will the child to sleep now. He's a little wired from the neb meds. (Like my one-handed typing abbreviations?) I'm tired. This is the place where I start to lose feeling in my arms, my head spins without permission, and I become barely coherent. Argh.



Kay in Cal said...

Hey Carrie--I've been keeping up with your posts (in prayer as usual), and have some thoughts. I was having problems posting here, so several ideas all saved up!

I went through the rounds of bronchiolitis/nebulizer treatments when Corwin was an infant. It really is one more exhausting thing to add to infant care! He still tends to get wheezy when he gets a cold or virus, so we occasionally have a few days using it (just this weekend in fact), though it is much more tough now that he is two and not interested in breathing the funny smoke. I can totally relate to the medical issues that seem to keep unfolding--eyes! One more thing on your plate! I want to swear in Yiddish too!

I think the heartbreak will improve with time. No, it will never go away totally. But you need to allow yourself space to mourn this marriage as if you are mourning a death. On the list of stressors, divorce is only second to death of a child. Really, really stressful.

But you can apply the same strategy to this that one would apply to any life tragedy--do your grief work, and you won't have kids who only remember "melancholy mama". After you go through the first stages of emotional whammy (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, moving towards acceptance...) then the work starts. You have to accept the reality of the loss, experience the pain it is causing (don't stuff those feelings!), adjust to the new situation, and reinvest in your new life. I think this is harder in cases of divorce than death because there is always the desire that it could be "fixed", whereas with death that isn't logically possible... Anyhow, you need to allow yourself to feel how you feel, as hard as that is in the midst of the kiddos.

Doug also has ADD (without the H)and was never diagnosed until adulthood. It very much affected how he experienced school (not well!) and convinced him that homeschooling was really the best option for our kids. We can chat more about that later, if you want to drop me a line...

Also, have you ever tried breath prayers as a means to "pray without ceasing"? They can be marvelously centering.

Noelle said...

Praying for you Carrie! May your little one be feeling better.