Onward
We're now in the middle of the week in which we do our church's version of VBS - with dinner served and lots of cool projects. So much fun! G and E are serving as "table captains" which is sort of like a camp counselor role to the other kids. E has a table of four little girls and they're all doing these projects together. So stinking cute!
The director for our camp last week gave me a jar of dahlias Monday evening and thanked me for bringing Q to camp. I cried. She told me that there were so many faculty and staff, and other parents, who commented on our neat family dynamic and what an amazing job the bigger kids did with Q - especially when we were seated on the front rows for the concerts and Q was loving all that live music, and wiggling like a boy who'd been sitting still too long. I hugged her and cried. How incredibly kind of her to have taken the time and acknowledged both the beauty and the difficulty in one fell swoop. It is both. Always both. But the former far outweighs the latter, in sheer mass.
And speaking of all that Life business... You know, I've given up a lot of thoughts about what constitutes an "ideal" family. I was somewhat surprised to discover, rather recently, that I really do still miss the partnerships to be found in a good marriage. Even a barely civil marriage provides certain benefits to the spouses, most of them simply logistical. But even in a just better than barely civil marriage, those losses begin to be keenly felt. Imagine how lovely it would be to know that the end result of one's hashing things out with one's kid didn't then rest solely on one set of shoulders. Support in or for one's ideas is sweet, and deserves to be treasured for the gift that it is, of course. But nothing replaces that other parent "having your back," you know? In all those small but important ways.
Hope you're resting well and got to spy some meteors this week! Godspeed, lovely people.
The director for our camp last week gave me a jar of dahlias Monday evening and thanked me for bringing Q to camp. I cried. She told me that there were so many faculty and staff, and other parents, who commented on our neat family dynamic and what an amazing job the bigger kids did with Q - especially when we were seated on the front rows for the concerts and Q was loving all that live music, and wiggling like a boy who'd been sitting still too long. I hugged her and cried. How incredibly kind of her to have taken the time and acknowledged both the beauty and the difficulty in one fell swoop. It is both. Always both. But the former far outweighs the latter, in sheer mass.
And speaking of all that Life business... You know, I've given up a lot of thoughts about what constitutes an "ideal" family. I was somewhat surprised to discover, rather recently, that I really do still miss the partnerships to be found in a good marriage. Even a barely civil marriage provides certain benefits to the spouses, most of them simply logistical. But even in a just better than barely civil marriage, those losses begin to be keenly felt. Imagine how lovely it would be to know that the end result of one's hashing things out with one's kid didn't then rest solely on one set of shoulders. Support in or for one's ideas is sweet, and deserves to be treasured for the gift that it is, of course. But nothing replaces that other parent "having your back," you know? In all those small but important ways.
Hope you're resting well and got to spy some meteors this week! Godspeed, lovely people.
3 comments:
Dear Carrie, I wish so much you had a spouse to partner with you, "have your back," help with finances, etc. I know little to nothing of your losing the kids' father - it is certainly his loss (unless he was abusive). You are an inspiration to me. I hope prayers of those who care will bring a little encouragement and make some difference in ways you need.
I wonder, from time to time, what it must be like, having a loving and supporting spouse to raise the children with. It's like looking through the wrong end of a telescope: I just can't see it clearly. I've been realizing lately that I've actually given up on finding that lovely spouse person. And that's odd, because it's been what I always wanted ... But here I am, one son grown, after I raised all on my own and he's really a fabulous young man :-) And then there are the young one's, 12 and 9, who do the one evening per week visit and sometimes one weekend day with their father, but I am raising them alone, and really, we are doing really well ... I am a great defender of love being all that is needed to make a family, and yet I do feel wistful, from time to time: I should like that lovely spouse person. But I seem to have come to a place of accepting that he's not coming.
Just wanted to let you know that you are an amazing mom and person. So enjoyed our long talk last month, you inspire me! Stay strong in the Lord and in the Power of His might, praying for you my friend.
Sue Searles
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