Thursday, August 07, 2008

Progression

This [Bratz] doll projects a sexuality that has more to do with working on the Sunset Strip than enjoying a healthy girlhood.
-M. Gigi Durham, The Lolita Effect

There have always been changes in society from one generation to the next. Parents have always noticed how their children’s world differs from the world of their own childhood. But what is happening now regarding sex and sexuality in the media and popular culture goes far beyond the changes that have occurred between other generations in the past. A revolution is taking place that we need to take seriously. It is a revolution that is harming our children and harming the wider community.
-Diane E. Levin and Jean Kilbourne, excerpted from So Sexy So Soon (Go read the article)

Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased. (emphasis mine)
-C.S. Lewis, as quoted in The Quotable Lewis

So the obvious question arises: How do we encourage our children to engage on deeper levels when nearly everything around them demands they orient toward instant gratification, cultivate appearance over character, and veer toward easy "solutions" rather than dig in and create long-term stability?

I dunno.

I guess the biggest obstacles kids face today are the examples set before them. (Lots of research available on the subject. The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce is a particularly pointed tome which discusses this subject and others related to it's title.) Children rarely choose to follow the old adage: Do as I say, not as I do. Once again, I suppose this indicates that we, their parents, have to get off our collective hineys and set the bar higher for ourselves whether we like it or not.

And now Q's out, so that's all I have to say for tonight. Rest well and then give out some extra hugs and kisses.

XO

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Random quotes

Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they're yours.
-from a therapist's office wall

That the birds of worry and care fly over your head, this you cannot prevent. That they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.
-Chinese Proverb

“You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?"
-Matthew 5:43-48, The Message (Pesky points made there)

More later. People need stuff.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Vomit

I hope I don't get in trouble over copyright infringement, but right now I don't so much care. May God have mercy on these people's souls because I doubt many of us could offer them anything other than the slow, hideous deaths they've earned. If you search, there seem to be pictures too. I can't bring myself to post them.

August 1, 2008
Starved, disabled girl was failed at every turn
By KATHY MATHESON
Associated Press Writer

For days before Danieal Kelly died in a fetid, airless room — made stifling hot by a midsummer heat wave — the bedridden teenager begged for something to drink until she could muster only one word: water.

Unable to help herself because of her cerebral palsy, she wasted away from malnutrition and maggot-infested bedsores that ate her flesh. She died alone on a putrid mattress in her mother's home, the floor covered in feces. She was 14 but weighed just 42 pounds.

The nightmare of forced starvation and infection that killed Danieal while she was under the protection of the city's human services agency is documented in a 258-page grand jury report released this week that charges nine people — her parents, four social workers and three family friends — in her ghastly death.

The report describes a mother, Andrea Kelly, who was embarrassed by her disabled daughter and didn't want to touch her, take her out in public, change her diapers or make sure she had enough fluids. It portrays Daniel Kelly, the father who once had custody of Danieal, as having no interest in raising her.

And it accuses the city Department of Human Services of being "uncaring and incompetent."

"It was this indifference that helped kill Danieal Kelly," an angry District Attorney Lynne Abraham said. "How is it possible for this to have happened?"
The report should "outrage the entire Philadelphia community" and bring about "earth-shattering, cataclysmic changes" at the Department of Human Services, Abraham said.
Andrea Kelly, 39, the only defendant charged with murder, was ordered held Friday without bail. The social workers — suspected of falsifying home visits and progress reports in the case — face charges ranging from child endangerment to involuntary manslaughter. The family friends are accused of lying to the grand jury about the girl's condition before her death.

None of the lawyers for any of the defendants had any immediate comment.
Human Services Commissioner Anne Marie Ambrose, in office only a month, said Thursday that she is intent on improving child safety and worker accountability in an agency that has repeatedly been accused of failing to protect children.
Late Friday, the city announced the resignation of Assistant Health Commissioner Carmen Paris. The grand jury had accused Paris of interfering in the investigation of the girl's death while she was acting health commissioner, but found insufficient evidence to charge her with obstruction of justice.

The report on Danieal's death in August 2006 documents a downward spiral from the early years that she spent in Arizona with her father and his girlfriend.
Though Danieal attended special-needs classes only sporadically, a school report described her as an active learner and "one of the sweetest students ever enrolled in this program." But allegations of parental neglect soon surfaced, and following Daniel Kelly's breakup with his girlfriend in 2001, Danieal never again attended school.

Daniel Kelly and his children moved to Philadelphia in 2003. He eventually asked his estranged wife to move in, even though she had several other children and he knew she was incapable of caring for Danieal, authorities say. He then moved out.
"Daniel Kelly was well aware what deserting his daughter meant to her safety and welfare," the grand jury report said. "He just did not care."

The Department of Human Services received at least five reports of Danieal being mistreated between 2003 and 2005. All described a "helpless child sitting unattended, unkempt and unwashed, in a small stroller in her own urine and feces," her screams ignored by her mother, the grand jury report said. The stroller, which served as a wheelchair, apparently never left the house.

Agency employee Dana Poindexter, assigned to investigate, also ignored Danieal, authorities say. Already having been suspended after a 3-week-old baby died on his watch in 2002, Poindexter continued his "slovenly, neglectful and dangerously reckless work habits" after being assigned the Kelly case, the grand jury said. He did not file a single report, authorities said.

The Kellys finally were assigned help from a private agency in 2005. Employee Julius Murray was required to visit the family twice a week, but authorities believe he may have come to the house only once — to have Andrea Kelly sign predated forms attesting to future visits.

The grand jury report said Laura Sommerer, a city social worker, failed to hold the now-defunct company accountable when, months later, Danieal still was not enrolled in school or receiving medical care.

And after Danieal died, authorities say, company director Mickal Kamuvaka held a "forgery fest" in her office where she had employees "concoct almost a year's worth of false progress reports."

But authorities say Andrea Kelly, whose other children are now in foster care, is primarily responsible for her daughter's death.

The report said she was confronted repeatedly by her own mother, uncle, friends and even two of her sons about Danieal's deteriorating health. She would lie or put them off by saying she would seek help, or banish them from the house, authorities say.
In the meantime, the report said, she entertained friends, attended classes and fed her other children.

"This behavior indicates that Andrea Kelly did not merely allow Danieal to die," the report said. "She may have even wanted her disabled daughter to die."

When an ambulance responded to a 911 call for Danieal on Aug. 4, 2006, the girl had been dead for several hours. Authorities said she was so emaciated she looked like the victim of a concentration camp.

She had been lying on the filthy mattress for so long that her body outline was imprinted on it.

Three more

The kids are coming home today. Whoopee!

And... the kids are coming home.

Did I mention that the kids are coming home?

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Good news

After about an hour of unmitigated panic, two boys were found safe and sound.

The repairs to the van were about one third the expected expense, with the understanding that the poor thing requires persistent babying through it's golden years.

The concussion is "relatively mild." The teeth can be pretty well repaired. These things have occupied us rather thoroughly over the last week, but less so now. All is not precisely well, but grace covers things, and it will be well. Phew.

Thank God, thank God, thank God.

Edited to add: At 1:30 the next morning I'm still burning adrenaline like it's kerosene over the first good thing on the list. What a week, huh?

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Tribute

Randy was a good man. His legacy will linger in his own words and in the lives of those he touched. But most of all in his family.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Well

The van has been making a funny noise and the battery light has been on for a while now. Today, the noise became alarming and I took it in, relying on the coast down the big hill to get me to the shop. Turns out the rack and pinion are outta here and the alternator has been overcharging the battery (!?) and wrecking itself. Between the two, the repair costs total nearly half the value of the vehicle.

So I don't know what to do. I need something I can afford, which would be more or less zero in monthly payments, but I could wring a little bit out of the budget. Without a down payment or credit history (marital status changes one's credit rating), a payment becomes downright unimaginable.

The recommendations I'm getting from mechanics are, on the low end price-wise, to go for a Chrysler product that will just get us from point A to point B. On the other end, one that seems more functional for the long term, is the Dodge Sprinter or similar vehicle. In between lies the Toyota Sienna. It's accessible enough to take us through perhaps the next five years, up to the place where Q has become too heavy to lift in and out of a seat/chair. The mileage is good, the repair histories nearly unbelievably trouble free. The price is still way out there.

I'm kicking around perhaps paying for the repairs and taking the next six months to scrimp and save, praying that something gives. I've asked the repair shop to see what else might be ready to crack inside there, to give me some idea what else I might be staring down and how soon. They'll get back to me in the morning.

It's funny. I've had some offers for help with school stuff, inquiries about what we might be needing. Before we left this morning, I almost posted that I've got most of the supplies (still looking at some Usborne books -- wink), but that now, the real fun begins: ramps, lifts, access to home and vehicle are the big, big, and now looming ever larger issues.

And here we are. The boy is about 28 pounds. He's growing, but not as fast as I'd feared or hoped -- it's a double-edged sword. I'd planned to get him some software to use with his new buttons and a backpack that I could then have modified to haul him on normal family endeavors -- hiking and etc. I'm thinking about all that again. He would benefit from those things in a very large and definite way, no doubt there. But therapy is important too and all those doctor's appointments... We have to have some way to get there.

I dunno.

I'm off to think some more, make more physical order while things feel all out of sorts, and entertain the boy who is running out of patience with his formerly delightful orange maracas.

Ole.